My Miscarriage – A Story of Support
The Taboo of Early Pregnancy
Two weeks ago I (controversially) shared the news of our pregnancy – we were excited, on top of the world and looking forward to pregnancy, birth and becoming parents again.
I know that many parents wait until after their 12 week scan to share their news but as I said when we announced it – as a society we need to break this taboo.
During your first trimester you need just as much help and support – if not more – than you do in your second, third and fourth trimester.
If everything goes to plan and baby is growing nicely, you may find that your first trimester brings extreme tiredness, morning (or all day) sickness, back ache, cravings etc etc and it is so much easier for you if people know and understand why.
Then, of course if something goes wrong and you miscarry then you need that support even more.
This week we discovered that our baby had stopped growing at approximately seven weeks – so approximately four weeks ago, just as we were excitedly sharing our news with family and friends our baby had in fact, stopped growing.
We only found out this week after I requested a scan after some bleeding and then our world was turned upside down. It has been a very emotional few days, coupled with some pretty harsh physical symptoms that no one really warns you about and only one thing has got us through it.
The Support From Others
I am so glad that we had told everyone that we were expecting, as it then meant that we had to tell people that we had lost the baby. Now, I’m not going to pretend that these were easy conversations to have but I can tell you that they were worth their weight in gold.
For each and every person that we have spoken to has helped us realise that we are not alone.
We have an amazing support network of friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances and, certainly in my case I have never even met some of my fellow birth professionals or business masterminders but their support has been invaluable.
So many words of wisdom, offers of emotional support and physical help – some of which we have already taken people up on.
- When we needed childcare so we could attend our scan
- When I needed more maternity pads at 10 o’ clock at night
- When I needed someone with me at 1am as my husband was with my poorly boy in the other room
- When we needed time off work
- When we needed a shoulder to cry on
And, this is why I am so glad we shared our early pregnancy news and why we wouldn’t hesitate to share it should we lucky enough to fall pregnant again.
As a society we are shit at talking about periods, pain, pregnancy, miscarriage, birth and death and that has to change.
We need to support each other and the only way we can do this is to speak out, share our stories and, when necessary, ask for help.
As it is Christmas and we have lost our little star we would like to ask you to reach out and help others. The Miscarriage Association has a Support group that serves Blackpool, Wyre and Fylde and Angela and Kelly are working hard to provide support for those who need it. To break the taboo around miscarriage. To let people know that it is OK to grieve. To let people share their stories in safe space. And to improve the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit at Blackpool Victoria Hospital (currently a corridor and adapted store room with no home comforts).
So, in memory of our little star this Christmas please do consider a donation so that our loss can be remembered and their life celebrated in an extremely worthy way.
Love, hugs and tears,
And please, if you are suffering with anything whether it be pregnancy, birth or loss please do not suffer in silence. There are support groups out there for almost everything, and if you are not sure, just ask.